Fas: Spring X.6 - The Cold, Cold Winter

Attendees: FB, IE, CW, JT, SB


Discussed: The Cold, Cold Winter (And How It Almost Broke Her Heart) (FB play)


The Cold, Cold Winter is a three-act drama charting the break-up of a relationship between Tom and Imogen, as Tom's illogical obsession with his work documenting deaths around the world takes him further and further from his loved ones. Because I wrote the thing, rather than comment on what was good/bad about it, I'm just going to note some of the major changes that the reading suggested:

1. There was a call for more of the data / toying with data that Tom does. That would provide a more fitting contrast with the heavily 'emotional' discussions he has with Edward and Imogen.
2. The data could also be better explained if it were being pitched to Edward rather than Imogen. We already known Imogen is intimately involved with the death-project; in I.1, she doesn't need it re-explained to her and it's too much of an exposition. Why not leave the audience wondering until I.2 when Edward arrives?
3. The central scene, II.1, could be tightened and reworked. After a second reading by IE and CW, it became apparent that the scene could be practically inverted and it would still have the same, if not more weight. It requires a thorough re-write. 
4. After these three major changes, a consideration of the final act is of course meet, to see how they have changed and what needs to be adjusted to stay in keeping with the piece. In other words: REWRITE.

Roll on draft 4 or 5. 

Fas: Spring X.5 - breaking up

Attendees: FB, JO, HH, DS, PO'D (New member! Hahawoo!)


Discussed: A Break (RM screenplay)


A Break is a fifteen minute short film screenplay written by Rory, who's not quite made it to Fas yet, but will, I am sure. It tells the story of one John, a presumed private detective in Dublin on the case of a missing girl. Yet as the plot progresses, it becomes clear that things are not as they seem, and John must face up to his worst enemy: his past. 


As a reading, it was a shame we had only a single copy, but I felt we gave it a good go all the same. There were questions of tone here too: would the film noir element be pushed beyond the norms to heighten the sense of confusion at John's situation, or would it remain realistic? How much would things be brought into contrast with devices like colour and saturation, and by the characters? An email to Rory follows and if I get a reply, I'll bang it up.

Fas: Spring X.4 - it's bound to be good

Attendees: FB, JO,IE, CW, SB, JT, MG, NM (new member! hep!)


Discussed: Bound (JT's play); 3 sketch ideas (MG)


Bound tells the story of Ezra, Robyn and Emma, or at least, of their final reunion, and what happens when one has sacrificed all for another. We were fortunate enough to have Joe with us to talk through some of his ideas behind the script, and as a reading it was fascinating: repeated language devices and the potentially fantastical Ezra sat side by side with naturalistic language and then characters stealing words from each other. It was the kind of piece that Fas thrives with, because there was plenty to look at and toy with. 


Martha had also brought along three sketch ideas of hers. That led to another lively discussion, but this time it was far more a case of people chipping in with new ideas, new directions for the sketches, and Martha could take / leave what she liked. Hopefully we'll see those sketches down the line.

Fas: Spring X.3 - poetry corner

Another week, another meeting. (Feb 14th)


Attendees: FB, IE, CW, JT (new member! woo!)


Discussed: The Girl Who Has Nightmares (NG submission); NYC ('85), Text (CW poems)


My friend sent in a piece of writing she'd penned at 3am, so I thought I'd bring it along to Fas and see how we handled it. It was poetry, of sorts, with an aim that it might be one day converted into song lyrics. As such, it was bound to a series of metres to get a sense of the musicality of the piece, and included not one but two separate refrains. Perhaps this was where it essentially fell down - that too many different ideas of form and rhythm were being played with and integrated into a piece that only really had one pained message. 


Where the first piece might have struggled with form and content, Colin's poems stood, quietly, unimposingly, as excellent examples of poetry working the way it should. Personally I loved them both, and I'm aware that I might wax too lyrical in their praise. But the economy of language and the choice of style and form complemented the ideas behind the two poems, and indeed heightened the sense of an idea well and simply expressed. A delight to read, a delight to dissect.


And, happily enough, Text was a little about romance, and the hope or disappointment it can cause, which left us grinning at the end of our Valentine's Day session. 

Fas: Spring X.2 - back in business

Disaster strikes! The Cardinal wasn't free! The Cardinal, not free, equals disaster. It's only on leaving the secure bosom of our usual haunt that I realised how utterly enamoured I've become of that cool upper room and the cheap drinks and all. Dammity damn.


Attendees: FB, CW, BL (first time).


So, I think the move and such threw some people. It was also one of those shocker days where I got apologies from six people in the last half hour before the session. No fun!


Discussed: A Still Life (RG); Hasaina Love Jan (FB)


A Still Life was submitted by Becca an age and a half ago. But I dragged it out of the frankbank as something to discuss. Colin read it out for us, and over the noise of our temporary location (Oh Albert, you are a nice pub but too loud), we tried to have some sort of discussion about it. Generally our feelings coincided that while there were elements and characters of interest, more work was required in sorting out temporal shifts and narrative voices to ensure it was more engaging and cohesive. We also felt that if this were a short story, it was woefully undeveloped. As it happens, Becca emailed me to tell me it was the start of a longer narrative, so that was as we had suspected, fortunately.


I then read my third offering to Fas, Hasaina Love Jan, a short story about teenage love and fascination in Hasan Abdal in Pakistan. Some brilliant comments and advice provided by both Bella and Colin, including tweaks to character, language, and, regrettably, the removal of a personal favourite of a paragraph. After all, the destruction of heritage didn't really sit that comfortably next to swooning and excitement and stuffs...oh well....


If anyone has any other comments they want to add, do so, please. (Watch as we hit ZERO comments).

Fas: Spring X.1 - nanowrimo

Still really a background post...but I'm finally catching up. Ish. Maybe.


Attendees: FB, IE, JR, JO, SB


Our first session of 2010 was a bit of a special one. Ellard and I had both taken part in the National Novel Writing Month (nanowrimo) project in November 2009 and were cajoled into presenting our pieces to Fas for ritual humiliation. Ian had read mine, Spire & Pearl; I'd read his, The Otford Raptor. He presented a synopsis and then read selected passages; I did likewise. John, Jake and Sophie listened and were surprisingly kind. It was a strange sort of session: these novels were short, only 50,000 words, and only really first drafts that had been written at a rate of knots. So critique could not really be offered on the overall form, as that was incomplete, or indeed on any individual passage because each author was able to say "well, I'll change that". As such, an odd exercise. But important for two reasons:

1. The stories seemed to remain, in themselves, watertight. Or at least, there was interest from the rest of the group in hearing what happens next and how plot and characters develop. That suggested that at least some of the ideas behind the writing were sound.
2. The individual sections read did hold the attention of the group, to a certain degree, meaning that even if there were plenty of tweaks to be made, at least the prose of a given section was coherent and workable. 

In itself both those things were promising pieces of news.

A personal thanks to Ian for slogging through Spire & Pearl.

Background: Fas 5

This was our fun Christmassy session. We'd hoped to do the nanowrimo reading, but unfortunately Ian was at the last minute unable to join us. So instead, we did other things!


Attendees: FB, SB (new member!), CW, AS, MG (I think)....think that's all. Yup. Checked my notes.


Discussed: Gem and Itch (BI)


Gem and Itch are both short stories by the wondrous Ben, both following fairly similar lines. They both explored fairly dysfunctional male/female relationships, from a male perspective, in which it becomes apparent that the protagonist really has no handle on the world at large at all. Both were written with skill and a satisfying attention to detail, and led to an excellent discussion as to the merits of such a style. Melanie came up as a suitable comparison (read about it here).


December '09.