Fas Autumn XI.3 - Teensy bit of Eliot

What should have been a second session at The Society Club; essential repairs had us relocate to a cafe nearby.

Attendees: FB, JH, HR, JO, SH (new member!)

Read: The Sparrow (FB short story); Dogged (HR short story)

I brought the opening section, un-looked at, untouched, of a collection of short stories I've been writing, all themed around birds. The Sparrow is the story of Eduard, a shy, retiring kind of man, and Maria, and how they meet and form a clandestine relationship (of sorts). She keeps a pet sparrow. He lets it free. But for Fas, just the beginning of the story - a rather forced, stylised sort of thing, but effective in its own way, I hope. I wanted to put myself a little out of my comfort zone, both in my writing and in Fas, and let people give me feedback on something I was perhaps less attached to. Of course it still mattered to me what people thought, and it was interesting to see where the discussion went. There was a pleasant recognition of the jarring effect dialogue can have if used at the wrong time, or indeed, the right time, and we talked a little about where the story could go, and how stylised it could (or should) be. Another buoying moment for my writing. When is Fas not? And hopefully I'll bring another thing or two from the collection before November is out. 

Dogged is Hannah's nearly autobiographical take on a trip to the park and a child in her car being viciously, dangerously, nay, life-threateningly mauled by a dog. The story was best summed up by John, in that in fact the park, the children and indeed the canine incident all serve as a springboard for the real purpose and wit of the piece: the narrator's reflections on the split life she leads as nanny by day and free spirit at night. There is still some polish missing from the story, but there's also a whole load of potential, and a lot of humour, and we look forward to seeing the next draft. A bold first short story effort from Hannah. Thank you!

We also talked a little about John's trilogy of films - though he'd shy away from referring to them as such - and Suse's translation of a Spanish play. Hopefully we'll get a look at the former and a read of the latter.  

Fas Autumn XI.2 - Owl Finish

A new home: our first session in The Society Club, which was both exciting and rewarding. We have a new cosy, private room in a lovely, independent bookshop. If that doesn't tempt you along, I'll have to start offering bribes as well.

Attendees (all-stars): FB, AS, AP, SC, JW, SN

Read: Mischief (SN first page for TV); One Trick (FB short story); Sugar (Opening pages of SN TV pilot)

We opened with a little bit of Mischief, Sandy's story of a mother coming to terms with her daughter leaving for university. The pair are best of friends, we are to believe, and the pilot opens with Aminah in full dream. Dream sequence leads to train station, leads to the title's mischief as she toys with the other passengers' perception of her. The concept behind the series is an interesting one: a straight-laced character deciding, on losing her closest friend, to entertain herself with out-and-out bad behaviour and satisfaction at the cost of others. As per Fas standard, we picked apart how much we understood this central character from the first two pages of her existence, as well as how easily one might move from dream-like state to action, and how much an audience would buy into the misbehaviour. There was the characteristic Nicholson streak of refusing to comply with expectation.

Inaugural session at the Club so I felt I could not come empty-handed and offered up my story One Trick, a tale of Nick, an alcohol and sometime poet, trying to get back with his woman Annie. It's interesting for me that I saw this story as very London based, but Nick's voice, all short on his participle endings, Ts and Ds, comes across more often than not as American, and particular down-and-out impoverished American. I'm not sure if that actually damages the story, but if there's confusion, and it's unintentional, then perhaps more needs to be done to sharpen up the piece. Then again, it felt as though his tone is consistent enough, and Fas understood that he was a jerk trying to be less of a jerk, and that meant the story did its job. If you want to read a copy, drop me a line.

Finally, the sweetly-titled Sugar, the opening to another television idea of Mr Nicholson. It began so beautifully: a playful, dancing reading from Adam and Sarah, and some excellent domestic dialogue between the two opening characters to this piece. Would it lead to a tiff? Or them falling under the covers of their new house? Well, neither, as some very monstrous, very scary things happened very quickly, enough that Adam was kind of shaking and the violence was graphic, terrifying, and very well written. I'm desperately trying to avoid spoilers, and we're hoping to do a reading in a future session of the entire episode, but suffice to say there is lots to talk about with this one, and the interplay between bright domesticity and horror leaves lots to be considered. Watch this space.

Next theme: scams. If you're really short on something to write, please compose a scam email with which to lure me to send you all my bank details. Prose or verse, of course, or even a little scene of scammee confronting scammer. 

Fas Autumn XI.1 - season five begins

A new season rolls around after our summer break - a gap in meetings that I hope was filled with the scratching of quills and a spatter of ink. We shall see.

Attendees: FB, SN, AP, JW, SC

Read: Sountrack (AP short); Comfort Food episode 2: 'Peach Cobbler' (SN web series episode)

Soundtrack tells the story of Molly, a seemingly care-free lass who goes about her day (breakfast; work; swooning over a boy on her lunch breaks) with rhythm and poise, until a change in her daily soundtrack has her reeling. The little things are thrown out of kilter; will it prove for the good? 

This was a charming piece, praised roundly for sticking firmly to the parameters of the story without need for explanation or exposition. We bought into the conceit of the piece immediately and were concerned then with the interplay between character and situation, rather than the 'science' (or otherwise) of how Molly's world worked. Particularly with this piece, there were the standard what-ifs prompted by a good script that left its audience with questions. Some simple polish from this second draft to a third would not go amiss, but it was comforting to hear how Alli was confident with the concept and keen to ensure it was not too strongly diluted by over-analysis or trying to do too much within 10 pages.

Speaking of comfort, Sandy's Comfort Food tells the story of Luke and Liyana, a couple trying to make their relationship work long distance by scheduling time together on the phone when they both cook the same dessert. Luke is a seasoned cook, it would seem, and his particular attention to detail clearly translates to his own worries and peculiarities in the relation: he's a stickler for things being right, for making the right amount of effort. Liyana, conveniently by contrast, is much more at ease with winging it, and therein lies our drama. We watched episode one online, before reading the script for this episode. It's a strange thing, to watch/listen to a private conversation, with its own rhythms and intimacies, its in-jokes and self-references, and feel at once both entertained by it and aware of the transgressive position of us as audience. We talked about the difficulties of filming such conversations, and how the humour on paper might translate to the screen. We also inevitably wanted to look ahead: should a third character enter the drama? Would the threat of separation, of the failure of the relationship, be essential to sustain interest? Sandy is trying not to follow overused conventions for narrating the story of this particular coupling, and it will be interesting to see how that works out. With filming due in January, there's plenty of time for us to take a look at further episodes and how the story takes shape.

Thanks again to all who contributed and attended. 

Fas Spring XI.8 - Finale

Seasons come and seasons go. There goes our fourth... here's what you missed in the last hustle.

Attendees: FB, AS, HR, JH, AP, SN (new member! woo!)

Read: The Kiss; The Alleyway (AP short scenes); I Can't Get Near It (SN play); Fiction (AP episode synopsis)

Two brief short story scenes from Alli, both focusing on the intimate moments between man and woman, the physicality and emotions behind romantic clinches. Both had an air of the poetic to them, as well a great combination of direct physical action-led prose and more flamboyant phrases, like eyes crashing into each other and such. We talked about what place the pieces might find in a longer collection, and indeed whether they should be seen as a pair at all - certainly the actors involved could conceivably have changed, as well as the underlying emotions that imbued each scene.

Next up was Sandy's play and first offering to Fas - thank you kindly. It concerned one Peter and his relationship with three women: his ex-wife, his close (flirtatious) friend, and a new acquaintance whom he tries to date. Sandy writes with a sensitivity for realistic dialogue as well as a great grasp of pace and dramatic timing. Thanks as ever go to our willing readers. As with Alli's first pieces, we talked again about what next for the piece, as well as picking about some of the instances where the drama was not quite so successful. Fortunately there is clearly much that recommends the piece and any changes Sandy makes now will not be with the introduction of entirely new characters or scenes as much as crafting what he already has into something even more functional and engaging.

Finally we took the briefest look at a synopsis by Alli for a TV episode, as part of a competition. Perhaps I should have been sharper with letting everyone know about the competition. Hmm. Anyway - it was a lively write-up for an episode and I know Alli intended to do more on it. We picked apart some of the structure of it, while praising the imagination behind it, and I think Alli had a better idea of the direction she wanted to take it in after that... job done.

Next meeting: after the lovely long summer break. Rest up; write up.

Fas Spring XI.7

Attendees: FB, JW, JH, HR, SC

Read: Static (HR sitcom pilot)

Hannah kindly let us give a reading of the opening episode for her sitcom, Static. She'd written it in a bit of a hurry for a BBC competition but was now revisiting the piece to see if it had any worth and whether she should toil on with brushing it up and generally making it shipshape. She should, as we heartily told her. Even with our rather dubious reading (and failure at accents entirely - apologies), it was clear that the characters in this piece, as well as the setting (Penrith, of course, HR's home), were well observed and delightfully brought to life. 

Some of the problems in any writing, but particularly sitcoms, were present: there was a certain closeness to her characters that blinded Hannah to some of the details an audience would crave; plotpoints that seemed obvious to the writer were missing for the audience. But the general impression was that dialogue and action worked well together to provide a realistic, engaging setting, and all that was needed was further spit and polish. 

I was reminder of two sitcom recommendations (I shy away from 'rules' deliberately) I had read recently:

1. Avoid opening with your main character waking up and closing with them heading to bed. So many sitcoms do this already - stand out from the crowd.
2. Every line should be one of set-up, punchline or furthering the narrative. There's no need to have characters giving exposition or just chatting if it's not funny or is not moving along the story. 

The challenges that so many sitcoms face are there for Hannah too; it's difficult to get a fully fleshed out main character when s/he is plunged into all sorts of complicated, humorous situations from the get-go. The temptation is to write some kind of prologue to let the audience get a handle on the character. I'd be tempted to suggest that's not the way to do it. Actions speak louder than words, and showing rather than telling us about character is obviously the better route to take. 

And fortunately, Hannah's on the right track. The rest of Fas agreed that she must work further on Static, that the characters and setting are entirely excellent, and we look forward to episode 2. Thank you, Hannah!

Fas Spring XI.6

Attendees: FB (obv), AS, HR (new member! Woo!)

Read: Turn On the Waterworks (FB short story)

This was a bit of a mini-session, but the sun was shining through the Pimlico windows so I decided to transport my generous listeners to November and snowy Canada with a story about a waterworks and two men on a month of night shifts. It's a new-ish story, so nice to hear it up on its feet. 

Commentary highlighted for me that perhaps the story was trying to do too much at once: one thread, their descent from ennui to playful game-playing, didn't sit perfectly with the other core thread, that of conversation / sharing / the relationship between the two. Overall, the mood of foreboding I had been so keen to create made something of an impression upon my critics, but perhaps I needed to turn the screw even tighter on the piece and heighten the drama at the cost of some of the more humorous tweaks that coloured the story. 

Once more, a useful, challenging session that's left me invigorated to be writing. Thank you!

Fas Spring XI.5 - Bromance

What a session! I said bromance and you said aye. Great response: thank you.

Attendees: FB, CW, AS, JW, JH, AP (all old guard - huzzah!)

Read: Bromance I & II (CW poems); A Pathetic Apathetic excerpt (JW novel); Untitled (AP short story / pitch for short); Looking For Bromance (AS comic scene)

Colin likes a challenge; so he arrived with two poems, which, he claimed, were unrelated, on the theme of philadelphia between two men. As ever, he was swift to denigrate his work, but both displayed a comfortable manipulation of language, as well as the seeds of some greater ideas. In I, he had set himself a structural rule that he had to end each stanza on a different pronoun - it was effective both for providing an internal sense to the piece, as well as drawing in the listener. (So too was the fact that each stanza began with some kind of exhortation or spoken word). Bromance II, shorter, sweeter, and over in mere moments, was a snapshot of words spoken between brethren to escape womankind. It’s the kind of thought that works particularly well in poesy. 

Another excerpt from John - this one from later in his novel where our hero has been kicked out of his home and spends his first night on the streets, meeting a homeless man, Bob, who is surprisingly kind, if a little creepy at times. It’s a great section for character development of both John’s protagonist, who thinks one thing and often does another, to humorous consequence, and Bob, who will come to play a prominent role in the narrative, we were told. As so often, we chewed over how much description was enough, and how, in fact, it was possible to get those key descriptions working without overloading a reader, nor with leaving them feeling short-changed on detail. As ever, thoughts in comments would be appreciated. 

Alli claimed to have written her piece on her phone (no harm in that - I do the same when needs must), but it was clear she had given her concept some thought. A brief scene she intended to convert for the screen was excellently executed: four boys in a pub, all after the same girl, with hilarious / disastrous consequences. As with the other things I’ve seen of Alli’s, she has an eye for telling dialogue as well as capturing something of youthful relationships swiftly and expressively. We riffed a little on how to further the tension of the piece, as well as exploring how one might shorten the scene even further to fit the constraints of converting it from a few minutes’ short story to a one page short.

Finally Adam, once again taking his lead from some of the greatest absurdist comedians and deciding to take the theme of bromance to its natural limits - homoerotic love. His scene, still incomplete, but filled with great intent, as well as some choice, thrilling details of what might go wrong when one tries to seek out the epitome of manly chat… there’s plenty to be done on the scene, of course, but Adam already had a sense of direction, and the voice of his rather self-pitying, but kindly protagonist was pleasingly engaging. I hope we see more of it in a later Fas. 

Next theme, GREEN. If you need help with ideas, hit me up. Thanks for all the support! 

Fas Spring XI.4 - social, drinkle, Together

Hey all,

The last session was one we're trialling gently, where the week night slots become a more relaxed meeting in which people might bring material, but we also chat about our own writing and where we up to, and see where conversation takes us.

Thanks to all who made it: CW, JS, RM, JO, JW and of course, HH - brilliant to see Henry back from Jerusalem and he brought a copy of his book Together that's due out in 3rd March. Very exciting to see. Meanwhile Rory brought a short for us to look at as well. 

It's always great to see material, but nicer still for Fas members to be seeking out the group for feedback. As ever, suggestions for improvement are always welcomed. 

Fas Spring XI.3

Attendees: FB, JO, AP, JW, SC, JH (new member! woo!)

Read: Brenden's Losing Faith (JO short screenplay); Can't Keep a Dead Man Down (SC novel - we read the opening)

A great pair of pieces for the third session, as well as lively, useful discussion (hopefully as ever). BLF follows the story of the eponymous protagonist who has found himself from Alabama in London on a very particular mission. The voice was solid and engaging, a well-imagined world, while we also looked at the pacing of the piece, and how much Brenden's apparent loss of faith was well-timed and believable. Talk ranged to the religious aspect of the short too: how much do the Christian overtones and suggestions of the piece put off or engage with a viewer? Discussion also moved to how much of our sympathies a character like Brenden could indeed garner, and whether it was worth John's while to push the level to which he dictated the audience's sympathies at the close of the piece, and how that could be affected through greater contrasts between levity and seriousness earlier in the short.

CKADMD was first written by Sarah as part of Nanowrimo 2009, but has since then been edited and expanded to reach a more appropriate novel shape and size. As a opening to a pulp/noir detective novel set in San Francisco in the 1930s, it was both tense and gripping, with a strong sense of character to the hero Joseph, as well as an excellent evocation of place and setting. Discussion urged for even greater focus on both character and setting, and for clarity, even if not directly on the page, from Sarah as to her creative choices and direction: why Frisco? why 30s? But early dialogue and descriptive prose provided plenty of detail and opened up questions for the reader in the way any opening should. A lovely first offering from Sarah to Fas - thank you!

Fas Spring XI.2

Something of a killer second session to continue the great form of the new season: thanks to all. In a break from format, here are some rambling thoughts as to it all.

I decided to pitch a new project of mine. Tentatively, and definitely not permanently, entitled 100days (see the twitter hashtag to follow, #100days), it sees the careers and collapse of two protagonists of differing backgrounds and sympathies. More on it anon. Satisfying that my own inclinations with the project were mirrored in Fas: it needs to be a human story with human relations at its centre. My own writing flourishes in that kind of situation, as opposed to trying to write a polemic or something that says something. Who wants to say something anyway?

Next up, John (O) (John-O) pitched an idea of his own. If I thought I was being vaguely political, John upped the ante and we were on Communist Russia of the 30s and some of the massive reversals of fortune that so many people experienced. The idea is a stormer and deserves a hearty, well researched treatment, but I for one am looking forward to seeing it at Fas.

Also up for discussion was about making the evening sessions more overtly a social / drinkle / fun time session and keeping the Sunday sessions as strictly Fas with reading / crit time. What are people's thoughts? I think it'll work, I think it'll provide options for the meetings and a range of opportunities for writers to talk about their work both formally and informally. So there we go. Game on.

Fas Spring XI.1

The start to the new season - joy of joys! New members, new (ish) plans, new writing. Let's go!

Attendees: FB, JO, AS, AP (new member! welcome!), MZ (new member! welcome!)

Read: Are You Looking for the Way Out?, Real Melodrama (two FB short stories of sorts)

I wanted to try out a couple of new things on a reinvigorated Fas, so brought along the super short story AYLFTWO, which tells the tale of Sal and Jerome in an art installation, and Real Melodrama, which is collected writings pre, during and post break up for the hapless author of the piece. 

The former was received fairly well, all told, if with some assistance to divine quite what it was all about. Indeed, the very format and style of the piece was devised to provide something of the disorientation and hostility of the art installation it described, and I was quietly pleased that it remained fairly inscrutable. If a space is to rebuff the viewer so strongly, it was important to me that the description of said space offered at least something of that same opaqueness. At the centre of the story stood the rather one-sided Sal-Jerome relationship, but it was suggested that with no emotional journey in the story, even if that journey were something as simple as a climax of internal realisation for Sal, a change that would not ruin the tone or direction of the piece, it might provide a more understandable emotional hook for the reader, especially given the apparent inscrutability of the piece. Mina also made the very valid point of considering who the reader of this story might be: was I trying to say something about art (is there anything left to say?), about relationships, or about something else? Was there a readership or audience for the story, and if so, whom did I think that was? These kind of questions have never been addressed so directly in Fas and I think it was a good angle to take. Thank you!

Next up was Real Melodrama, and what was remarkable was the response here. I was presenting what I considered to be somewhat trite, if not wildly over-emphasised ramblings from a writer fairly close to my heart (if not my mind); Fas figured that in fact the packaging as something of melodrama was what was off, and that in fact, if the few moments of overstating clichés and emphasising the melodrama were unworked, we might be presented with some emotionally raw and quite intense, introspective writing. One member suggested it be worked into a framework to provide context for this writer's thoughts of the most intimate kind, but other members felt it worked best without any muddying material: a simple, stark portrayal of a mind turned upon itself in the throes of relationship break-down. Maybe it's worth another look.