Fas Spring XI.8 - Finale

Seasons come and seasons go. There goes our fourth... here's what you missed in the last hustle.

Attendees: FB, AS, HR, JH, AP, SN (new member! woo!)

Read: The Kiss; The Alleyway (AP short scenes); I Can't Get Near It (SN play); Fiction (AP episode synopsis)

Two brief short story scenes from Alli, both focusing on the intimate moments between man and woman, the physicality and emotions behind romantic clinches. Both had an air of the poetic to them, as well a great combination of direct physical action-led prose and more flamboyant phrases, like eyes crashing into each other and such. We talked about what place the pieces might find in a longer collection, and indeed whether they should be seen as a pair at all - certainly the actors involved could conceivably have changed, as well as the underlying emotions that imbued each scene.

Next up was Sandy's play and first offering to Fas - thank you kindly. It concerned one Peter and his relationship with three women: his ex-wife, his close (flirtatious) friend, and a new acquaintance whom he tries to date. Sandy writes with a sensitivity for realistic dialogue as well as a great grasp of pace and dramatic timing. Thanks as ever go to our willing readers. As with Alli's first pieces, we talked again about what next for the piece, as well as picking about some of the instances where the drama was not quite so successful. Fortunately there is clearly much that recommends the piece and any changes Sandy makes now will not be with the introduction of entirely new characters or scenes as much as crafting what he already has into something even more functional and engaging.

Finally we took the briefest look at a synopsis by Alli for a TV episode, as part of a competition. Perhaps I should have been sharper with letting everyone know about the competition. Hmm. Anyway - it was a lively write-up for an episode and I know Alli intended to do more on it. We picked apart some of the structure of it, while praising the imagination behind it, and I think Alli had a better idea of the direction she wanted to take it in after that... job done.

Next meeting: after the lovely long summer break. Rest up; write up.

Fas: Spring X.6 - The Cold, Cold Winter

Attendees: FB, IE, CW, JT, SB


Discussed: The Cold, Cold Winter (And How It Almost Broke Her Heart) (FB play)


The Cold, Cold Winter is a three-act drama charting the break-up of a relationship between Tom and Imogen, as Tom's illogical obsession with his work documenting deaths around the world takes him further and further from his loved ones. Because I wrote the thing, rather than comment on what was good/bad about it, I'm just going to note some of the major changes that the reading suggested:

1. There was a call for more of the data / toying with data that Tom does. That would provide a more fitting contrast with the heavily 'emotional' discussions he has with Edward and Imogen.
2. The data could also be better explained if it were being pitched to Edward rather than Imogen. We already known Imogen is intimately involved with the death-project; in I.1, she doesn't need it re-explained to her and it's too much of an exposition. Why not leave the audience wondering until I.2 when Edward arrives?
3. The central scene, II.1, could be tightened and reworked. After a second reading by IE and CW, it became apparent that the scene could be practically inverted and it would still have the same, if not more weight. It requires a thorough re-write. 
4. After these three major changes, a consideration of the final act is of course meet, to see how they have changed and what needs to be adjusted to stay in keeping with the piece. In other words: REWRITE.

Roll on draft 4 or 5.