Fas Fall X.4 - 'title pending'

Another cool session!

Attendees: FB, JW, AH

Read: Points of Perspective (Annabel short story); Sunday Football (John comedy scenes).

Points of Perspective is a charming short story by Annabel about a country jaunt of a young lady and her potentially-interested foreign friend. It was filled with wry, engaging observations and no little amount of underlying tension. It was not yet complete, but discussion centred around what direction to take the story, and what could be omitted in terms of character development and plot and what needed further fleshing out. It remains a great example of short story writing as a process that forces a writer to make decisions, and it was pleasing to see so many avenues being explored by Annabel. Many of our points on red-herrings and plot-points will all be resolved, no doubt, in a next draft, when it becomes apparent what Annabel wants to do with the story.

Sunday Football is a series of sketches/skits/radio-bits/jokes, all built around the idea of a parish football team. John is keen to find a structure that maintains the speed and regularity of the jokes (which are excellent - some wordplay, some situational), while also providing a bit more, well, structure. We wondered whether trying to pace the pieces like a football game might work - short, sharp in the halves, with longer breaks at half-time and pre- and post-match. But we definitely want another session on this, to build a greater distinction between the character comedy and the repartee stuff, and to see what other comedy writers think.

Fas Fall X.3 - 'i didn't write down any funny lines from this session. oops. sorry'

Attendees: FB, JT, AH, CF, TC, LS (new members! heppity heppity!)

Read: Ridiculous, Outrageous (CF short story); Dark Out (second draft of an FB screenplay)

Ridiculous, Outrageous was the story of a potentially senile, certainly sinister older lady, and the trials and tribulations of her every day, mundane existence. Lurking beneath it was both a desire and an inability to reach out to her estranged son, and a fascination with the past, with detail. It was a most excellently controlled piece, with a clear, humorous narrative voice and a meandering, engaging style perfectly suited to the protagonist's own confused manner. We discussed how it was structure, how speech and narration worked together, the effect of lists within the piece, and more broadly about character and development. Hopefully some of it was helpful... maybe... 

Dark Out went through the grinder a little bit to try to incorporate more of a sense of Pierre, his childishness, his isolation and strangeness to the rest of the bunker dwellers. However, it quickly became apparent that fixes FB thought had worked did not, and through a very useful discussion, he was left... oh, I'm writing in the third person about myself. Odd. Anyway, I realised that while all the disparate elements of Jess's idea were still there, in one form or another, they were not working in unison to provide an atmospheric, impact-laden piece. Instead they were just confusing. And I need to scrap it and go back to the original, very very good idea, of a boy's fear of large spaces giving him privileged information and providing him with the means to survive where other, more obvious candidates fail. Separating him, a tad, from the assumptions that others make. But even things that seemed a given, such as apocalypse, threat from outdoors, fascist regime, missing parents, were all questioned, and that's probably a good thing. Thank you all for your comments!

Fas Fall X.2 - 'Tee off a few ideas' / 'velocirapists'

Attendees: FB, CW, JO, DB (New member! Hep!)

Read: Nice Cup of Tea (Andy Van Terheyden rap lyrics); The Quarry & Dark Out (FB short story and short treatment, respectively).

The rap lyrics are for Andy's competition with his brother. Check out supervtbros.co.uk for more information. Anyway, Andy's having to write and record a rap song, and he sent in his lyrics not so that we could change the words, but so that we could brainstorm some potential locations and scripts for the song. So we did that - amazing how many ideas can be thrown up in a short space of time. He gets an email with loads of info from me as feedback.

The Quarry is the story of a man revisiting childhood diaries after a terrible, unspecified accident. In the story, he has chosen one particular episode to re-imagine. It sees something of a conflict between his new perception of the world and his youthful one, alongside an undercurrent of emotions we are not really privy to. Feedback was fantastic: some suggestion of further experimentation with showing some of the protagonist's earlier writing, along with exploring how to represent the intensity of the youthful man's experience through the mouthpiece of a now tired and sickly man. Furthermore, underlying sexual tensions could be easily heightened by some simple, almost cosmetic changes. While an animated ending might appear tangential, it might also prove to contrast nicely with the lack of animation displayed by the narrator. JO said "a good piece of storytelling". Ain't that nice? 

Dark Out originated from ideas by Jess Cope (puppeteer and film-maker extraordinaire) in collaboration with me. I've sat on the idea for an age, and finally decided getting some kind of workable draft was worthwhile. It's still early days for this story (a young boy in a post-apocalyptic world refuses to go out, when people around him are convinced it is time to leave the safety of the bunker. His fear of open spaces is essentially his salvation),  and there is much more that needs to be added both in terms of the boy's surroundings (narrowness) and personality (shy but with some force), and in the way in which his relationships with Fem and Ohm are emphasised. Again, fantastic feedback from the Faslets left me feeling like the piece was essential moving forwards. A point of particular note: these kids can read. Great reading. Really brought it to life. 

Keep commenting. Love to all,

FB

Fas Fall X.1 - 'Following a man we do not know'

Attendees: FB, JO, IE

Read: Monologue to Camera (JO short); July 28, 1945 (IE short story); Across the River (JO short)

Gray's speech in Monologue to Camera describes his voluntary move to the basement of his home, with his wife and children, to avoid an apparent blight on the earth above ground. During the self-imposed incarceration, his family members have passed, and Gray is left along with some spirits and some carrots to reflect on his choice. Gray's voice is already coming along well, and has verbal ticks and stylings that made us smile. We both (IE & FB) thought it could go even further; there are some quasi-anachronistic phrasings that need to be dropped, and his tone could be polished even more. We also felt removing references to the topside might further strengthen this bleak inner world we are presented with, while the piece itself could even be restructured, so that the announcement of the deaths are postponed to the denouement rather than revealed immediately. Thus the tension between what's apparent and what's aboveground would be heightened. 

The beauty of the structuring and the prose in July 28, 1945, is immediately apparent, so both JO and FB found it difficult to offer constructive criticism without having to add the proviso that nothing should really go. However, the discussion circled around how effective the structuring, a sort-of unwrapping process that moves from the unspecific and broad scale view down to the personal. Meanwhile, the characters of Jackson Pembury and Joshua, the two character-specific narrative voices we are treated to, both had options for development. For Jackson, a man of action, there was the option to remove much of his internal monologue and replace it with silence and physicality. This would provide a greater contrast with the dreamer Joshua, through whose eyes we are brought closer to the central action of the story. 

Across the river remains a powerful piece: Frank and Richter meet in a nearly ruined house as Richter tries to persuade Hans Frank, governor of Nazi-occupied Poland, to flee before he is killed by the Gestapo or the Red Army. Frank has found God; he refuses to leave. There are obviously so many intense emotions at stake here, and it's impressive that JO has managed to weave these together while avoiding the obvious military cliches that could blight a piece like this. We all agreed that the performances of the two men would also make or break the script. IE suggested a further militarisation of the character of Richter as a way to give greater contrast between his spouting of Nazi maxims, and his hurt at the death of Frank's wife. It's fantastic to see how far the piece has come along between drafts. I hope to see a further draft anon.

Over and out.

Fas: Spring X.6 - The Cold, Cold Winter

Attendees: FB, IE, CW, JT, SB


Discussed: The Cold, Cold Winter (And How It Almost Broke Her Heart) (FB play)


The Cold, Cold Winter is a three-act drama charting the break-up of a relationship between Tom and Imogen, as Tom's illogical obsession with his work documenting deaths around the world takes him further and further from his loved ones. Because I wrote the thing, rather than comment on what was good/bad about it, I'm just going to note some of the major changes that the reading suggested:

1. There was a call for more of the data / toying with data that Tom does. That would provide a more fitting contrast with the heavily 'emotional' discussions he has with Edward and Imogen.
2. The data could also be better explained if it were being pitched to Edward rather than Imogen. We already known Imogen is intimately involved with the death-project; in I.1, she doesn't need it re-explained to her and it's too much of an exposition. Why not leave the audience wondering until I.2 when Edward arrives?
3. The central scene, II.1, could be tightened and reworked. After a second reading by IE and CW, it became apparent that the scene could be practically inverted and it would still have the same, if not more weight. It requires a thorough re-write. 
4. After these three major changes, a consideration of the final act is of course meet, to see how they have changed and what needs to be adjusted to stay in keeping with the piece. In other words: REWRITE.

Roll on draft 4 or 5. 

Fas: Spring X.5 - breaking up

Attendees: FB, JO, HH, DS, PO'D (New member! Hahawoo!)


Discussed: A Break (RM screenplay)


A Break is a fifteen minute short film screenplay written by Rory, who's not quite made it to Fas yet, but will, I am sure. It tells the story of one John, a presumed private detective in Dublin on the case of a missing girl. Yet as the plot progresses, it becomes clear that things are not as they seem, and John must face up to his worst enemy: his past. 


As a reading, it was a shame we had only a single copy, but I felt we gave it a good go all the same. There were questions of tone here too: would the film noir element be pushed beyond the norms to heighten the sense of confusion at John's situation, or would it remain realistic? How much would things be brought into contrast with devices like colour and saturation, and by the characters? An email to Rory follows and if I get a reply, I'll bang it up.

Fas: Spring X.4 - it's bound to be good

Attendees: FB, JO,IE, CW, SB, JT, MG, NM (new member! hep!)


Discussed: Bound (JT's play); 3 sketch ideas (MG)


Bound tells the story of Ezra, Robyn and Emma, or at least, of their final reunion, and what happens when one has sacrificed all for another. We were fortunate enough to have Joe with us to talk through some of his ideas behind the script, and as a reading it was fascinating: repeated language devices and the potentially fantastical Ezra sat side by side with naturalistic language and then characters stealing words from each other. It was the kind of piece that Fas thrives with, because there was plenty to look at and toy with. 


Martha had also brought along three sketch ideas of hers. That led to another lively discussion, but this time it was far more a case of people chipping in with new ideas, new directions for the sketches, and Martha could take / leave what she liked. Hopefully we'll see those sketches down the line.